Creating the Life that You Love

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In this episode, Dr. Barbara Hales and Dr. Sherita Gaskins–Tillett discuss:

*Why professional women struggle to find balance between their careers and personal lives
*How to practice self-care in a way that is customized to your own needs and priorities
*The transformative impact of “A Weekend for Me” retreats
*How to give yourself permission to make changes in your career and life

Key Takeaways:

“Self-care is anything you do intentionally to make things better for your mind, body, or spirit.” – Dr. Sherita Gaskins-Tillett
“You are never stuck. There is always something else you can do.” – Dr. Sherita Gaskins-Tillett
“Morning routines help set the tone for your day, so the day doesn’t take control of you.” – Dr. Sherita Gaskins-Tillett

Connect with Dr. Sherita Gaskins-Tillett:
Website: www.awfmgrandcayman.com
Facebook: Boss Lady Dream Builders Facebook Group

Connect with Barbara Hales:

Twitter:   @DrBarbaraHales
Facebook:   facebook.com/theMedicalStrategist
Business website: www.TheMedicalStrategist.com
Show website:   www.MarketingTipsForDoctors.com
Email:   info@TheMedicalStrategist.com

YouTube: TheMedicalStrategist
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/barbarahales

Books:
Content Copy Made Easy
14 Tactics to Triple Sales
Power to the Patient: The Medical Strategist

TRANSCRIPTION (168)

Dr. Barbara Hales: Welcome to another episode of marketing tips for doctors.

I’m your host. Dr Barbara Hales.  Today we have Sherita Gaskins–Tillett with us. She is a board-certified obstetrician-gynecologist, a mother, a wife, a wellness enthusiast, and an event planner; I’m just exhausted saying all of that. After several years of trying to meet the demands of Family, Career, and Community, she found herself exhausted with all that, no surprise, and lost in her own life. Fortunately, a well-timed vacation provided the awakening she needed to realize that her life was not sustainable. She returned home on a journey of self-discovery that resulted in a reordering of her priorities and a complete overhaul of her professional life. She is now able to show up as the wife, mother, physician, and friend she wants to be, and that her tribe deserves in conversations with colleagues and friends, and through social media musings, she realized that she was not the only professional woman feeling tired, lost and less than.

Doctor Sherita is on a mission to empower women to create lives that they love. Recognizing that there is strength in community and desiring to normalize the struggle, she founded the Boss Lady Dream Builders Facebook group where she helps professional women who want more connect with like-minded sisters, rediscover their priorities, reclaim the reins of their lives and find a balance so they can live with more joy, authenticity, and purpose.

She’s also the host of- “She built it, Boss Lady Chronicles”, a weekly show that features the stories of women who own the power to build the life of their dreams. Dr. Sherita also hosts virtual and live events for professional women. Her signature event, a weekend for me, is a three-day cocoon for busy women to indulge in radical self-care, rediscover their bliss, and be inspired to chart a course to their ideal future. Welcome to the show, Sherita.

Dr. Sherita Gaskins–Tillett: Thank you so much, Dr. Barbara. Thank you for having me.

Defining Self-Care

Dr. Barbara Hales: The question I have for you that other people might want to know is, what do you mean by self-care?

Dr. Sherita Gaskins–Tillett: Self-care is anything that you do intentionally to make things better for your mind, your body, or your spirit. So, it’s taking care of yourself. It’s things that feed your soul. And when I think about self-care, I think it is very individualized. So, my self-care is not necessarily your self-care. There are some people I love spa days and massages. Other people don’t like to be touched, so that would be stressful to them. That wouldn’t be self-care. So, it’s really whatever feeds your soul and your spirit.

Transformative Impact of “A Weekend for Me” Retreats

Dr. Barbara Hales: Well, you know, I certainly look forward to that myself, so I can’t imagine that. Not everybody does. How are the women different after attending “A Weekend for Me”?

Dr. Sherita Gaskins–Tillett: You know, it varies, but I think with many women, it’s an awakening. We do sessions to get in touch with who you are, your core values, and your priorities. And often, the women say they haven’t thought about those things ever, or if they have thought about them. They haven’t been in a long time. So, I think they go home with a deeper awareness of who they are, what they want, and why they want it.

We also do vision casting while we’re there. So, we look at the future. You know, what is your ideal future? I asked them if there were no red lights, only green lights, no restrictions, no certifications, nothing that you have to have standing between you and your dreams. What would they look like? And you know, many people have never thought about that because even when we dream, we put limitations, you know, we say, well that, you know, we might have a thought, I’d like to be an astronaut? Well, I don’t have the qualifications to be an astronaut, you know but, but to dream, like to just dream wildly, and then to begin to chart, to set goals, to chart a course toward those dreams.

Dr. Barbara Hales: How many people generally attend these sessions?

Dr. Sherita Gaskins–Tillett: Well, it’s been bearable. But the last one was in a small villa, which was limited. There were six women there. The largest was 19.

Dr. Barbara Hales: And, I’m assuming they feel great after, but do they, you know, how did they present themselves after this is done?

Dr. Sherita Gaskins–Tillett: They say they are different like I said. It’s like an awakening. They have a deeper connection to themselves. They institute some new practices. Because we also talk about habits. Because, you know, in this, people want to have a different life, and the reality is, you can’t have a different life unless you do different things. So, we talk about establishing a morning routine, writing and reviewing goals regularly, and, you know, revising those goals and checking in with yourself regularly, maybe instituting a regular self-care plan. So, you know, they go home equipped to do things differently so that they can have a different outcome.

The Personal Growth from Hosting Retreats

Dr. Barbara Hales: How have you been changed by seeing these people’s participation?

Dr. Sherita Gaskins–Tillett: Oh, my goodness, I can’t even, I can’t really articulate it. It’s been amazing. You know, this is my calling. It truly is. And to see something that I’ve conceived of for a long time in my head, to see it in living color, has been so gratifying for me, and humbling. You know, just the response that the women have to the retreat, it really is humbling for me, and I’m gratified to know that I’m making a difference in their lives.

The Genesis of “A Weekend for Me”

Dr. Barbara Hales: How did you originally come up with this idea?

Dr. Sherita Gaskins – Tillett: Well as you mentioned in my bio, I’m an event planner of sorts. So, before I went to medical school, I actually worked for the government, and in my capacity in that employment, I planned conferences and meetings and events, and I actually loved it. And I, you know, plan parties for friends and other things. So, I’m an event planner at heart. And if I weren’t a physician, I’d be an event planner. And so, you know, having gone through my own epiphany, actually, on a beach, unsimilar to that which is behind you, for those who are watching.

After having that epiphany, I, you know, started a personal development and self-discovery journey. And then I was I was better. I had made some pivots and done some things that helped my life. And then I realized that other women were suffering too. Because I think when we’re suffering a lot of times, we think we’re the only one. And so, I would see these Facebook posts, and these women would say, you know, I’m not keeping up as a wife, I’m not keeping up as a mother, I’m not keeping up as a doctor. Please tell me I’m not the only one. And so that’s when I said, well, you know what? We need some time together so that people can see that they’re not alone, that to kind of normalize the struggle that we’re all having this experience, and, you know, everybody’s kind of siloed off, but it helps to know that you’re not an outlier and it also helps to know that there are options, there are things that you can do to make things better. And so that’s when I decided to marry my two things, my event planning and personal development into a weekend for me and a weekend for me, because it’s time for you, just to get away. You know, sometimes I’ll have women ask me. Can I bring my spouse? Can I bring my children? And I say, that defeats the purpose.

It’s a weekend for you, not a weekend for them. So, you know, but it really is time just to be a way and to connect with yourself, but also just to be pampered. And, you know, I’m very much about making the women feel seen, heard, appreciated and loved. Because, you know, we’re the caregivers here most of the time, and oftentimes we are not poured into we’re doing the pouring. And so, I make a very conscious effort to pour into the women while they’re there, and to make sure that they know how special they are.

Dr. Barbara Hales: Well, this is something that I would have sorely needed and jumped at immediately had it been available when I was first starting practice, because there were so few women in those days. You didn’t want to just act like a man. You wanted to bring your femininity to it. But by the same token, by doing so, you were additionally ostracized. So, you know, like it was a fine line that we traveled, and I’m so happy that things have really evolved to the point that women can appreciate themselves for who they are, and still, you know, process all of their other hats.

The Role of Social Media in Connecting Women

Dr. Sherita Gaskins – Tillett: Yeah, and I think a lot of what’s happened to is social media. Because when I first, you know, when I first finished a residency social media, it was just in its infancy, and so I was not much of a social media person, so I didn’t know, and I think I would not have been aware of the commonality, had I not if it wasn’t for social media. So, I think the advent of social media too has helped to make the world a little smaller and to connect us to people that we wouldn’t otherwise be connected to.

Dr. Barbara Hales: Yeah absolutely. And then we find out, you know, what, we all have the same process and the same goals and the same things, you know, really take us from being burned out and, you know, make us feel more like a human being again, despite all of our responsibilities.

Dr. Sherita Gaskins – Tillett: Yes, yes. And really, for me, it’s about helping women to figure out what their priorities are today. Because what I figured out for myself was that I had designed my life as a single OB GYN, and then I married, and then I had a child, but my schedule still remained that of a single OB GYN, and it’s like we don’t give ourselves permission to make those changes. We try to make our lives fit into medicine, rather than making medicine fit into our life. And so, once I realized that I my priorities had changed significantly from the time I designed that original schedule, then I gave myself permission to start to make changes to the professional schedule.

Recognizing the Need for Lifestyle Changes

Dr. Barbara Hales: And that’s so important, and it’s so great that you recognize the need for that, and, you know, and acted upon that.

Dr. Sherita Gaskins – Tillett: Well, I honestly, Barbara, I didn’t have any choice. I was drowning. I was miserable. I was drowning. I, you know, was an older mother. I realized I was only seeing my baby about two hours a day. And I was thinking, you know what, these sucks. I don’t know how to make this better. It sucks. And, like I said, you know, just kind of, you know, going through the personal development paces, and, you know, learning more things about myself kind of empowered me to do things differently. And so, I started small, you know, I started by asking for a shift in my hours, you know, to start a little later, so just things like that, to honor the priorities that I have. I wanted to be able to be at home a little longer in the morning, so maybe I could see my daughter wake up, you know, and then I’d like to think that I was, you know, brilliant enough to say, Okay, now it’s time to do something completely different. But I can’t take credit for that. I was in a practice that had some administrative changes, and it became obvious that I was going to need to make a shift. And honestly, I had always thought that I would retire from that practice, because that’s what people had done, you know, it was one of those kind of, you know, institution type practices.

When I realized that I couldn’t stay, I looked around, and I started looking for jobs that were pretty similar to what I’d already been doing. And then I thought, well, why don’t I see what else is out there? Because I had been telling myself the story that there were no other jobs that were going to pay enough for me to pay my student loans. So, I graduated with a significant amount of student loan debt, but that was a story I was telling myself. I hadn’t done any investigation. And so, when I actually investigated, I found that there were other opportunities that were comparable in salary, but also gave me more, you know, better quality of life for me. So, I actually pivoted from full time, full spectrum OBGYN to hospitalists at that point.

Actionable Tips for Immediate Improvement

Dr. Barbara Hales: Well, that was great for you. At this point in the broadcast, I have the next phase where I ask you to give us two tips that our listeners could use, you know, and implement right now to make their life better.

Dr. Sherita Gaskins – Tillett: So, one thing that has been a huge game changer for me is a morning routine. And so, it helps to set the tone for your day. And it can be really small. People get overwhelmed. They think, well, the morning is such a rush time, I don’t have time to do extra things, but it can be small, but it’s just some time for you, and it’s whatever. Again, it’s things that feed you, and so my morning routine is comprised of drinking water, praying, reading and exercise, you know. But again, it can be done in 10 minutes, but it just helps to set the tone for your day, so that it’s almost like you’re taking control of the day instead of the day taking control of you.

Dr. Barbara Hales: Yeah. I think great advice, yeah.

Dr. Sherita Gaskins – Tillett: So, morning routine, and then the second thing would be a gratitude practice. So, you know, because we to bend toward negativity, just it’s just the way our brains are set up. Up, and so we remember the negative, but not the positive so much. And it helps to write down the good things that are happening in your life, to make a record of them so that you can go back and you know when you’re telling yourself, nothing is working, everything is bad, you actually have written proof in your handwriting that things are actually not as bad as they might seem at that moment.

Dr. Barbara Hales: That’s such great advice. And I think that we all should, you know, take heed and follow your example. I think that’s great,

Dr. Sherita Gaskins – Tillett: Yeah, yeah. And then also, I’m sorry, Barbara, one second, I’m gonna something just crashed in my house. I apologize. Okay, I’m sorry. My daughter’s home sick today, and so I just wanted to make sure that she was okay. Okay, yeah. One other thing that I would say, too, is to give yourself permission to make changes. You know, the world wants to put you in a box. Put us all in a box, but you don’t have to stay in the box. You have a choice. There are always options. What I like to tell women is you are never stuck. There is always something else you can do. I think part of the problem is that we think that the decisions we make are permanent. I was talking with someone yesterday, and she’s kind of in this state of inertia. And I was explaining that, you know, nothing changes unless you do something. So, you feel like things are not moving. You know, you want things to be different.

You don’t want what you have, so you have to do something else. And I told her to just try something. Like putting on clothes. Try something different. If it doesn’t fit, take it off and put on something else. But we think, okay, I’m going to make this decision, and it’s going to ruin my life. There are very few decisions that you make that are permanent, or that have to be permanent. So, you know, if you like, you know, for instance, decide to pivot in your career. You want to try a different track; you can always go back to what you’ve been doing. There’s nothing to hinder that.

Empowering Women to Make Changes

Dr. Barbara Hales: That’s also good advice, because so many, so many people, not just women, but people in general, feel that they are stuck, that they’ve made a decision, that they’re walking along, you know, a path in their journey, and you know they’re committed, whereas they don’t realize that on any given day, you could analyze the path that you’re on, and yeah, no, change it if it’s not working for you anymore.

Dr. Sherita Gaskins – Tillett: Right and that’s actually, you know, what we do at the what we do at the retreats as well. We look at what’s working because, you know, I’m not encouraging my path is my path, and that’s what worked for me and for my family. But I’m not encouraging people to leave medicine. I’m encouraging people to take control of their lives, which means, you know, make it, make the schedule work for you, make the work, work for you so that and give yourself permission to ask for what you’re looking for. Because, again, we will tell ourselves that this isn’t available. There’s nothing like this out there. But there are people who are doing all sorts of things now. There are practices that hire people for one day a week, a half-day a week. You know, there’s all sorts of different things. You just have to look for it and ask for it.

Dr. Barbara Hales: Yes, that’s great advice. Well, at this point, I’m going to say thank you very much for being with us today. You have been listening to Sherita Gaskins – Tillett and you can reach her from our show notes. You’ll find out where she can be reached. And think about taking a retreat, because I think that could really just alter your life for the better. This has been Marketing Tips for Doctors with your host, Dr Barbara Hales, till next time.